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Monday Meta: Literary Skepdad

A skepdad’s role is not to fill the young mind with answers, but to make it ready to ask the right questions.

A little more than a year ago when I started this blog there was such a clear purpose in my mind: fill the apparent gap in rational insight into being a dad that wasn’t awash with the stereotypical stuff. I mean, I looked around for all sorts of “fatherhood” information, a new baby on the way and all, and what I found was drenched in some kind of sports metaphor, psuedo-science drivel, end-of-life reconciliation with dear-old-pop stories, or pure religious holier-than-thou-isms. (Like you need to be a Christian to be a good father!) It wasn’t the point to just write about “skepticism and parenting.” But when I started piecing together the bits and pieces of what I thought I could meaningfully contribute the legacy of paternal experiences, I started thinking of — honestly — the father in the movie Contact. You know the one — Jodi Foster, SETI, message from Vega, based on a book by Carl Sagan — and you may or may not remember dear old dad, but he was the kind of soft spoken, knew the right answers to science-type-questions, let you tinker with ham radios kind of dad that every well-meaning science geek tells himself he’s going to be for his daughter.

So, I’m thinking about this father who has no other purpose in the movie than to launch the curiosity of his daughter towards the heavens and then die leaving her with this abstract and quasi-rational need to fill some unfillable hole in her heart. I’m thinking about this father who seems like such the perfect science teacher and practical parent rolled into one. I’m thinking about this father who could be the role model for skepdads everywhere. But then I was wondering (if the poor guy had been a real dad) what kind of a father he could have been and if the whole point of that character was to be some pedestal-mounted ideal of skeptical, science-minded dads could aspire but never obtain?

Perhaps. But maybe that’s the point of literary role models. Maybe we’re supposed to aim high. Thus, what are some of the traits that make the dad from Contact that kind of role model?

1) He lets her tinker. Now I’m not all that into ham radios, but I do have my fair share of miscellaneous technology scattered around the house. Does a science-minded father think first about (a) protecting the investments of his electronics, (b) engaging the curiosity of his daughter, or (c) protecting the safety of his family? I suppose this is a bit of a trick question, but the skepdad in me leans towards a blend of (b) and (c), welcoming the idea of a young mind prying open new technological realms of curiosity, while perhaps keeping an eye out for safety and recalling my young self and his experiments with alternating current in his parent’s basement.

2) He doesn’t lie about death. So when she asks him the hard questions, he doesn’t have easy answers. But then stupid answers make for stupid kids, I suppose.

3) His skepticism is not about cynicism. And though some have argued, it is an occupational hazard, particularly around young minds. We as fathers may have made up our minds about so many important issues, debunked our share of false claims, and come to terms with out own mortal ties to the Earth (however you wish to interpret that) but cynicism can quickly bleed into indoctrination. A skepdad’s role is not to fill the young mind with answers, but to make it ready to ask the right questions.

And there I was, a soon-to-be-dad, and looking at this literary skepdad that embodies a vague — and cinematically short — example of what kind of dad I want to be. A year later… well, I’ve got a long way to go, but I’m finding I’m not alone. And that’s the journey so far.

The SkepDad Blog is meant to casually reflect on questions surrounding parenting and raising kids to become critical thinkers by asking questions and examining parenting ideas with a skeptical eye for facts and science. Each article is one dad's personal opinion, backed (where relevant) by literature and published research, or otherwise based on personal experiences and insights. SkepDad welcomes balanced discussion, comments, and ideas.

September 8, 2008 by Brad
Filed as: Encounters of the Mind, Meta-Skepdad

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